Apologies

Why are apologies so difficult? I am absolutely horrible at apologizing, and I'm talking deep-down-Im-sorry kinda apologies which I reserve for my family and very close friends. The daily humdrum Im sorry's spill out without a momentt's notice and it doesnt affect me at all. But when I do something really stupid, and my family knows what I'm talking about, I cannot apologise. I do not know how to apologise gracefully, when I'm the one trying to make the apology. I have a zillion ideas for a good apology, when someone else has to do it. When that person is moi, I draw a blank.

Anyway, the purpose of all that humdrum is to apologize - in public with all humility (kinda - don't overdo it though, this is a once-in-a-lifetime thing with me, so enjoy it while it lasts) - to my family whom I yell at, throw hissyfits, be moody, sullen, erratic (I think that's enough humility for one day) and so on, for brief moments before the clarity of my usual self regains prominence :):)..For all those moments, and many more which I will not mention, I..aah..umm..ahh......I'm sorry :)