Being first..

In any relationship, I've always felt it is never a matter of who's first - who makes the first move, who puts in a greater effort or who makes amends. Today I realized that there are only so many times a person will attempt to be the 'first person' in a relationship. If the other person doesn't respond postively, we give up.

With my friends, I've never placed any importance on who called first, or how long they haven't responded to me. I think I am rather the type to give my trust and friendship slowly, but once given, it's for life. So, I've had instances when my friends would not talk to me for months on end, and when they suddenly remember something they need, they will call me up, and I'll help if I can. Am I being used? Maybe. Am I ignorant about that fact? No, but friends are there for each other, no matter what. There have been instances when I was younger, when I behaved exactly the same way, so I can't afford to be 'victimized' just because they are acting a little selfish now.

However, after being at the receiving end of such a relationship for a few times too many, you give up.

Today I gave up. Why, who, what, all of those points seem rather invalid at the moment. I only know that today, a very important part of me decided to give up. I will not try again. I refuse to be the person who has to make the effort at all times. In fact, I no longer even wish to continue with this line of thought. I am going to have dinner, study, watch a movie and go to sleep.

Maybe there's something to be said about living like Thoreau..the story I read in gr 6/7, now sounds so tempting!!!!