a new year...

the sound of splashing woke me up
I peeked outside and saw the kids
lounging by the pool, young and care free
their laughter and splashing, my alarm today

a honeybee flies past my nose
its bzz sound pesky to my ear
until i saw it sitting on the rose bush
the perfect start to spring and summer

my neighbors were up
i heard their puppy yelping
as i wave to them over the fence
i hear the sizzle of their grill

families and friends get together
to celebrate life and its seasons
the arrival of summer
and the departure of winter..

a new season is here again
a new year is here again
another one to enjoy and adore
full of blessings for us to explore..

Beginnings and ends..

Beginnings and Ends...

Ever wonder why it is
we always face cross-roads
over and over again
beginnings and ends criss-cross

It felt like yesterday
I started undergrad
here I am today
facing the end of grad school

My life has never been a straight path
yet many others face more tumultuous roads
yet the weight of the burden doesnt dimish
regardless of the role that I play

Daughter, friend, fiance, sister
aunt, cousin, colleague, professional
they represent facets of me
yet the facets are all truly me

I wonder if others feel the same
the end marks another beginning
the beginning marks the start of the end
the two are faithfully intertwined

The journey is always harried
in a rush forever to get to the end
yet from the beginning to the end
in the journey we learn our lessons best

I look out of my window
and expect to see my new horizons
new job, new colleagues, a new life
family, friends, and wedding preps

It's sometimes hard to see the ocean
because we focus on the pebbles
It's sometimes hard to focus on the pebbles
because the sand in our toes is a bother

I hope to see the sand, the pebbles and the ocean
the wind, the sun and the rain
while I stay within the shade of my umbrella
sipping my ice cold lemonade :D :D

Chaotic reality...

I sit with my legs crossed
imagining I am shielded by petals
huge yellow sunflower petals
and under my feet are the black centers...

I sit with my eyes closed
imaging I am in a rocking boat
a beautiful gondola in lovely Italy
with the sun shining upon my face...

I sit with clenched fists
imagining I hold a beautiful butterfly within
it's wings fluttering gently against my palms
a celebration of fragile strength...

I sit with my toes in the water
imagining I am listening to Zack Brown Band
the quintessential image of country music
relaxed music, casual folk and a lazy summer afternoon...

I sit with my feet stretched out
imagining I am at the beach
with the water lapping at my toes
a gentle breeze the only music to the chime of the waves...

I open my eyes
and wonder at the chaos I see
Closed eyes bring forth an imagination so vivid
it obliterates all the stress of a choatic reality!

By,
Angela A. Vincent
9.52pm - 2/28/10

Child Labor

In my previous post I spoke about personal tragedies and awe-inspiring courage. Is it a strange coincidence then that I should coem across two intriguing stories a few hours later.

The first one was about Sarah Kruzan, a 16 yr old, African American child in CA, USA, who was sentenced to life in prison without parole because she killed her pimp. The guy who raped and sold her to others. Fascinating and absolutely disgusting sometimes, the world we live in. I am not going to ignore the fact that there may be nuances of this case that need to be closely studied, but my understanding of the justice system is that it's always about the intention. Was it malicious, was it self-defense and so on. This case seems to have an awful lot of loopholes for it to be have been neglected as such. The 16 year old child is now a 29 year old woman who has spent 13 years of her life in prison. Do you ever stand to wonder how lucky you are to have the support of your family and friends?

The second one is about child labor - specifically the irony of children in India who labor to make balloons so that our children in USA and other 'developed' countries can enjoy them at various celebrations. This story in pictures of 6 year old children in India struggling in horrendous conditions is heart-breaking. Although I have some serious concerns about the way a Texas Middle School went about teaching their students about child labor, I cannot close my eyes to the atrocities that occur in the world. I think a simulated lesson will make everyone including you and me more aware of such cruelty. Do you ever stop to think about the child whose ahnds are rubbed raw trying to create that balloon you are holding in your hand?

Inspiration

Ever wonder what it feels like to be hungry, tired, cold, beaten down by life and lose the hope to live life? I find it amazing that sometimes people who are victims of societal brutality and personal tragedies are the strongest people we encounter. Their will to rise beyond their circumstances, their belief in humanity at large and their hope for a better tomorrow are awe-inspiring.

I am not rambling about generalities. I, like millions of others, watched CNN's Night for Heroes on Thursday night in total silence. It seemed impossible for anyone to adopt 48 children, spend their evening preparing food for those going hungry, or act as support for other women who are as battered as you were as a child. Inspiration comes in many ways and forms, and your circumstances shape you to be who you are!

my 100th post

7 weeks into my expedition in Dallas, I finally have the opportunity to sit still for a second and write a posting, and my 100th one to top it all off :). Life's been pretty fascinating since I've left Baltimore.

The week long trip to TO was a great excuse to enjoy my mom and sister pamper me, meet with friends and essentially rejuvenate for a brief bit before the long haul to Dallas. We actually drove to Dallas all the way from Baltimore in our sweet lil Kia, which looked like its belly would burst open if we took a curve too fast..lol..we drove through some beautiful scenery, stopped in Abingdon and Memphis on the way to Dallas. The second day of our trip it was raining constantly, dangerous to drive potentially, but made the scenery even more vibrant.

When we finally got to Dallas, life seemed to go from 0 - 60 mph in 3 seconds flat. Settling in, unpacking, buying new furniture, starting a new job, meeting new people, adjusting to 100+ deg F temperatures, tornado warnings, not to mention a long and fabulous visit by my family for the July 4th weekend, has left me happy, tired, exhausted, stressed and contented..all in parts, yet the sum is greater than the parts I believe.

Health care as an industry has a vibe to it, which may take you a while to understand the depth and the passion people have for it, yet once you see it or feel it, you know that the passion exists for life. My stay at Children's has barely begun, yet the complexity of strengths and weaknesses that make the hospital are unendingly fascinating to me.

Personally and professionally, my move to Dallas has been anything but slow / stagnant. I can't wait for what's in store next!

Murky skies..

I see colors
blue, gray, pink and black
mixed in with a dash of white
the colors of the murky skies..

As words threaten my life..
words spoken by others..
words I wish I had spoken..
words I fear I will speak soon...

Life's ambiguities I'm not sure I understand
Fathom, like, comprehend, approve of..
yet we are all forced to expand our horizons
into the murky skies, even as we desist..

What can I do to minimize the destruction?
If there is any to be visualized..
What can I do to visualize the damage..
if what is lost is internal and personal...

Depth of words
Depth of thoughts
Depth of emotions
I lack nothing thereof

Yet expressing the most basic words
turn the colors darker and drearier
The blacks and grays overwhelm the pink and blues
turning the murky skies into the dark night...

By,
Angela Archana Vincent

ravaged...

Ravaged by the world
I hide in the shadows
a mere whisper
in a world of similar souls...

It is so easy to stand by
and let anger consume you
Yet so difficult to articulate
the emotion into concise words...

The world in its entirety
shrinks until it exists in finite space
an air bubble perfectly proportioned
encapsulating that one conversation...

Memory so faint
I barely know what I say
Anger makes me whisper incoherently
and the ravaged becomes the ravager...

Best,
Angela Archana Vincent

spring blossoms, road trips, grad school and so much more...

I can't believe that I'm at the end of my grad coursework, and am headed back into the typical workforce in 4 weeks flat..where did time fly by?

Third and Fourth terms went by in a jiffy and I'm looking at the last two weeks of classes already..yikes..two weeks is right!! Hmmm...wonder if I should slow down a bit and enjoy student life while it lasts :)))...

Oh well..I guess the memories of impromptu visits to a friend's at 11pm, hanging out with the girls watching a movie, or the rather long road trip with my family from Toronto to Baltimore and on to DC will form the crux of my grad school life..not bad at all.. :) .. and since I'm headed away from Baltimore and those gorgeous friends who kept me sane while I was here..a toast to them all...

Spring Blossoms..

Spring blossoms bright and cheery
I see them all around me
they whither away during my favourite season
but watching them brightens my day

Friends like that are many around me
Those who keep me company
in the dark of the night
but disappear during my cheery days...

A toast if I may...
To those who listen to me whine
To those who give me sound advice
To those who share their stories with me
To those who are good friends of mine
To those spring blossoms who are precious and few :))

By,
Angela Archana Vincent.

Turmoil

calm waters never last
ever wonder why that is?
change is like rain
predictable sometimes, rarely always so...

struggles seem endless
tears fathomless and useless
simple pleasures help us daily
to forget the turmoil and move beyond...

a new dawn seems so close
the night past barely a blur
my memory so faint, is it really so?
I doubt..I doubt..the turmoil and dawn are intertwined so...

By Angela Archana Vincent

2008

I am back in Toronto, and it seems like I never left this place. I guess there is something to be said about home and the familiarity. I landed in Toronto with the flu, and this past week has been somewhat miserable, yet I probably couldn't have chosen a better time or place to fall sick :) Now, I'm feeling 90% better, and definitely looking forward to the rest of this year :D.

2008 has been a pretty amazing year for me, a lot of twists and turns, some highs I never thought I'd reach or aim for, and a few lows, nonetheless it's been a good year for me. This year has witnessed a lot of changes in my life and in the lives of people I know. Personally, I've made new friends, travelled to different places on my own, tried and failed at so many things, yet I've also succeeded at others, learnt a few hard lessons along the way, about myself and those around me. I finally got to see my beautiful niece and nephews in India, spent a long vacation with my grandmother without worrying about work or school, started grad school, made some lasting friendships, succeeded at cooking for more than 3 people simultaneously :).

As I look back at the past year, the most important thing seems to be my yen to look forward to the future. My experiences in 2008 have brought me to this point, where I have so much more to look forward to than I would if I just looked behind me.

Isn't it so fascinating, the way we emphasize our highs and lows based on the people we share it with? Be it our parents, sisters, brothers, cousins, family, friends, spouse/partner, or colleagues, the moments we remember, the memories we create, the emotions we feel, are all the stronger because of the people we associate with those moments, memories and emotions.

Here's to my last blog for the year, and hoping everyone has a fabulous 2009 with people you love and trust. Cheers!

Toronto...

tender flakes swirling by
melting as they touch my cheek
I feel the ice in my veins
even as I try to catch the drops on my tongue

I face the sun
with my eyes closed
and arms outstretched
yearning to reach the warmth

Snow storm all around me
Blinding white in its beauty
The sun shining bright
keeping the illusion of warmth nearby

People thunder by
snuggled warm, as they trudge to work
A snow storm is all in a day's work
for those around me today

A land of diverse natures
the first home I know
Snow storms, wind chill, bright and cold
Toronto, in all its different flavors...

By Angela Archana Vincent

Loved one...

Bitter winds howl in my ear
as I huddle under the tarp
Paper against the cold floor
my only comfort against the wind

I left home when I was 16
angry at my parents
I thought they did not love me
so I would make it on my own

I wonder if they think of me
as they plan another holiday
with the entire family present
except for me...

I wonder if they are warm and cozy...
if my sister still snuggles next to my mom
as they watch my dad decorate the tree
I wonder if they miss me at all...

I hear strangers call me names
homeless, stranger, hobo...
the taunts are limitless...
yet they barely hurt anymore...

I once had a home
I once had a family
I too was once loved
I left it all for no one and unknown...

Christmas is a holiday for wishes
I hear children wishing for gifts
I wish I may, I wish I might
Make a wish to go home tonight

To be with my family
To hold them close
To let them tell me
I am their loved one...

By,
Angela Archana Vincent - 9.32pm December 8, 2008

Go Obama!

A perfect ending to my rather hectic day :D

terrified innocence...

..my latest ramblings in the midst of an unwittingly entertaining financial accounting class, late Monday afternoon :)

Terrified innocence...

Terror on their faces
they huddle under the tarp
holding hands they tremble
children with tears in their eyes

Shrieks heard all around
as each one grows louder
they cringe and huddle closer
seeming to shrink as one

A river of blood
drenches the street under their feet
Their tears seem insurmountable...
All they want is the comfort of home.

A simple day
enjoyable in its simplicity
turned monstrous in a second
their innocence lost and peace shattered.

Running feet are all they see,
people screaming obscenities as they pass by
They retreat into themselves
muting the terror and the noise.

Mute eyes, clenched fists,
tears pour down their innocent faces
as they stare at the ignonimity
of being a child mute with terror.

A brief whimper
from the younger of the two...
quickly hushed by the older,
fear of recognition alive anew...

They hope it wasn't heard
by the brutes outside...
The wall their only friend
in a world suddenly gone awry.

Footsteps come thundering by...
and stops an inch from them...motionless they freeze
someone peeps under the tarp
and they scream in mutuality

Is it a friend?
Is it their family?
Is it a foe?
Do they live to know?

Innocence lost, terror their acquaintance
Does it matter if they live
When live in fear they always will...
Not for us to judge, the value of their life.

Children, our hope for tomorrow
Our innocence and our inspirations
their glow of immeasurable brightness
snatched away from us in a moment of terror...

By Angela Archana Vincent - 5.20pm Monday October 20th, 2008.

traditions...

What is it about being sick that reminds us about home and all the little idiosyncrasies...those little traditions which we have to make us feel cozy and safe.

I believe there is nothing quite like a bad cold to tease those memories of home - mama at hand with all my meds and food, my dad to whine about my day and my sister to keep me slightly sane :). Here in Baltimore, I don't even have the time to whine about my cold, although I must say my friends out here have been so solicitous of me these past few days, I treasure every single one of them.

Today marks the end of my fourth week at Baltimore, and it's been a good experience. I've learnt things about myself that I wouldn't discuss on this blog :), and I've made friends - friends with varied experiences, with different views and with very diverse cultural outlooks, so it's been a very 'enriching experience'.

Now, I have got to admit, I sound so unlike myself on this blog today, but I put that down to my being sick **whining about my cough and cold..here I go again..lol** and the fact that I completed my first mid-term at Hopkins today, and it did not feel like a total disaster..woohoo! Yes, I did celebrate my big midterm with chocolate chip cookies (yey!!).

I will end my blog with another rambling for those poetry geeks out there...

sightless world

the wind whispers in her ear
the sound of chimes far awar
She wonders if she will ever see
the light from that distant land

She feels her hand along the window sill
tracing its hard edges
searching for the knob
to close the window shut

The wind against her ear
is almost too much to bear
How can she withstand the thought
of always listening, but never seeing

Sight is lost but to a few
yet, it's value is known only to those few
The rest are blind to the value there is
content to meander sightless in their world

A strand of her hair
falls against her cheek
she brushes it away abruptly
unwilling to feel it touch her tears

Tears trickling slowly
as she gazes over the plains
the wind whispering in her ear
the promises of the world she will never see...

by Angela Archana Vincent @ 9.45pm Sept 26, 2008

a new start...

Ever wonder how time flies by? I usually don't, either I'm too busy to notice the time or I'm so relaxed, I enjoy the spare time..lol..yep extremes exist, even in my mundane life. I remember talking about grad school in August last year, and it seemed so far away. Now it's here already. Tomorrow, I fly out to Baltimore to start grad school at Johns Hopkins - this experience is a first for me in a multitude of ways - my first graduate program, my first time without my family or close friends, my first time in Baltimore..I could go on and on. It's scary, thought provoking, exhausting (never knew planning a move was such a massive task!) and downright exciting. I was talking to a very good friend a few minutes ago, who was preparing to defend her Master's thesis tomorrow (besta luck you-know-who-you-are), and she described our emotions perfectly. I quote "It's scary, exciting and extremely scary!"..lol..couldn't word it better!

I'm actually amazed at the student community at JHU. Even before I land in Baltimore, I've made friends - other incoming and continuing students. Helpful and friendly. Let's hope the next year is as calming, exciting and educating, although I wouldn't mind if it's a little less scary.. :)

Well, for the next few days, I'm going to be busy shopping, cleaning, settling in and typically driving everyone around me nuts! To that end, Baltimore here I come.....

Oh, and before I end today's ravings...I was feeling a little lost the other day because I felt like I couldn't write 'poetry' lately..kinda like a writer's block. I just realized that this year alone I've written 3 poems so far..woohoo..the feeling cannot be decribed or understood unless you've experienced it yourself.. :) :) :)

nature's rang :)

Rang means color in hindi, and yesterday when my mom and I went on our usual evening walk, we saw the most gorgeous display of colors in the evening sky. Here are a few images from my erstwhile companion..ta-da..the cellphone..lol..

introspective or opinionated or narcissistic?

I just realized that this blog marks my 3/4 century point in my blogging past...people speak, this is my 76th blog. Now I wonder, does this mean that I am turning introspective or opinionated or that I have become horribly narcissistic.

Whatever the reason, it's rather exciting to keep my blog updated. Talking about exciting things, life seems to be at a standstill lately, yet I've never felt life / time flow by so fast. It's already the end of June. For the longest time, I kept saying to my self, school starts in August, and that's a long while away so I have time to do etc-etc-etc. Now, I suddenly find myself with a week to go before my month long vacation in India and a mere 8-9 weeks away from my scheduled move to Baltimore.

I find myself at cross-roads before I feel prepared to face such decisions, yet isn't that what life is about, making choices and facing the consequences whether you are ready or not? Guess so, and I'm going to quit being so philanthropic in a bit :) Life's too short to be introspective all the time, eh? Returning to my once-in-a-blue-moon philanthropy, I'm walking away from the only career path I've known for the last 3 years to explore a passion in a totally different field, hoping that my passion is realized in a career which matches my skills, let's wait and see. Someone wise should say some deep meaningful 'stuff' for folk to refer to in such situations. All I can think about is, I'm ending one path, and I'm looking forward to another. Change is daunting yet exciting. The mere idea of a vacation refreshing. The financial challenges are thought provoking, whereas the academic innovations are making me rethink my mental limitations. Hopefully at the end of the day, I'll find what I want and figure out another new path :) :)

Yey, I'm going on vacation next Monday, so maybe someone will miss me and my beautiful words (***tsk tsk tsk, pretend you care you ignorant folk!!lol***) :) :)

I want an elephant..:)

Everytime I see a cute animal, I turn to my family and saw 'I want **enter cute animal**', and they will humor me by replying 'yes, you can get one when you have kids'..lol..this is my little play-along scenarios, where I know I am never going to get the cute pig or donkey or tiger, rather a situation where I can voice my reactions..childish, maybe..but nonetheless entertaining.

Today, I decided to invite you into my world..

I saw this cute post about elephants by Jai Arjun Singh.

He talks about everything from elephant dung notepaper and elephant skeletons to the battle of the sexes in elephants..lol..let me explain the last bit with this quote form Jai's blog..

"Lady elephants are better at public displays of affection, much the same way it is with humans. This one kept nuzzling her husband's belly with her trunk. He seemed to enjoy it but he didn't reciprocate - looked straight ahead."

And then he commits the horror of mentioning on his BLOG that his mom said his wife looked like the elephant (ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh noooooooooo)...here's his quote and the picture he refers to....

"Abhilasha feeds a baby elephant. After seeing the photo my mother, in the tradition of all good mothers-in-law, remarked that they have exactly the same smile on their faces, though Abhi is definitely missing a trunk."

Now, I find this picture very cute, and I like to think that the chubby lil baby elephant is smiling because he is getting fed, but honestly you do not ever wish to be compared to a baby elephant...tut tut tut..lol...I just hope 'Abhi' enjoys Jai's sense of humor...

Before, I end tonight's mutual reaction session, let me post a few more cutesy elephant pictures...

I love this picture..look at that water spray..darn it, I almost wish I was the one taking the picture (and yelling at the elephant because he sprayed water on my camera lens..teeheehee)

Look mama, baby elephant, he is so cute, I want an elephant...(mama responds, yes yes you can get one for your kids..waaaay into the future...lol)

and the cutest one of them all, the mahout catches a quick wink as the elephant cavort in the water (love my words..cavort? and elephants? oh well..but this one looks like he is waiting for the mahout to hit the peak of his nap before spraying him with water...watchout mahout!!!...lol)

and goodnight my lovely audience, im going to go and dream about my little animal farm now..lol..

I miss you..

..my faithful lil ol blog :(

It sounds rather pathetic (yikes!), harsh yet true..how can you miss an inanimate/virtual item...but I miss blogging..the outpouring of thoughts and emotions had became a way of life. I would come home, read something interesting, and I would write all my thoughts for the world to read and comment upon.

Lately, I find I've become rather self-intensive...but now I'm back to my usual bubbly self!! My grad school applications have all been finalized, I was accepted into all my favs with fin aid, I might add (tootin my own horn, I know, I know)...my decision is final (I'm off to Johns Hopkins in the Fall, yey!)..I've planned for most contingencies and am now counting down to the start of my vacation period..

The thought of vacation...especially one where I do not have a set time-frame to return to work...is absolutey enchanting. I love work, but I find the thought of a long vacation just right...a nice long holiday before grad school has me smiling..constantly I might add :) :) :) ...oh, and the fact that I am going to India shortly, and get to see my grandma and aunts and uncles and cousins and a baby niece and nephew might have something to do with the constant smiles as well :)!

And before I forget, yesterday was my beautiful sister's birthday...so to mah darlin nutty sister, Happy Birthday buddi :) :) :)

and I will end my ramblings tonight with these words...

pristine forests all around
a rambling brook close by
a rock protrudes into my path
as we amble along the river's edge

behind us lies a rocky valley
the past which we have overcome
before us I see a high mountain
the future which we must conquer

rocks, valleys and mountains
are merely life's lessons
many more we must face together
before we can cross into the sky

- Angela Archana Vincent