stars on canvas

Stars on Canvas

tiny flecks of light

shining far above

a temptresses beckoning

her true love

i reach my hands out

when i see them dropping

becoming bright stars

falling from the night sky

their light white and warm

tempting me with their heat

so close yet so far

forever just beyond my grasp

they fall like droplets

onto my canvas

brilliant colors shining true

clear against the pitch black

i felt their warmth

the hope of catching it alive

yet seeing the beauty on my canvas

leaves a hole in my heart

i wonder why it hurts to think

about what did not happen

when the dream of the next star shower

opens up unending possibilities...

By

Angela A. Vincent

5/26/11 5.50pm

Memories..

Memories are funny
sometimes they are beautiful
like pearls on a delicate string
sometimes they are transient
like the ripple in a pond

memories are interesting
sometimes they make us reflect on past actions
like light on the polished edge of a pebble
sometimes they make us wonder
like a child seeing their first firefly

memories are fascinating
sometimes they are wonderful
like the night sky lit with moonbeams
sometimes they make us cry
like our world is falling apart

memories are fulfilling
sometimes they lead to silent tears
like raindrops on a cloudless night
sometimes they help us relive our favorite moments
like the time spent plaiting my grandmother's hair :)

regardless of how we get there
or where they take us
our memories define our actions
they tell us who we were, who we are
and even where we may be headed next...

By,
Angela Archana Vincent

Elections...

Elections usually elicit a feeling of neutral boredom among young adults. If you analyze the voters in any modern day elections, we usually notice that the majority are baby-boomers, mostly male (especially in the developing countries)..In the US, President Obama's election campaign was characterized by an organized focus on reaching out to minorities, women and young adults..As they approach the mid-term elections, all the public surveys are focused on what the public thinks and feels about specific issues that will cause the voting results to 'turn'..however, in all the humdrum we forget the basics..the right to vote..why is it important for any citizen in any country to exercise that right?

I was waiting at my optometrist's office the other day and ended up reading an article about the women who fought for the right to vote..these women suffered, they were tortured and beaten because they demanded the right to vote..this suffering did not occur in an obscure third world country..they occurred right here at home in the US and it occurred only about a 100 years ago..their struggle and beliefs formed the foundation for every American woman's right to vote. On Aug. 26, 1920, the Susan B. Anthony Amendment became law, and 20 million American women won the right to vote. Almost 90 years to the exact date, I wonder how many young American women even recognize the importance of this right.

I do not mean to imply by any means that only American women are faced with this challenge. Citizens of all countries across this world take their rights for granted. We celebrate our independence days with gusto, we watch the national and local elections keenly, yet rarely if ever do we go and vote - exercise our right and duty to select our leaders. Granted in some countries, voting is such a miserable process that you may feel disheartened to even consider going to vote. Yet, isn't the mere action of non-voting similar to illegal voting practices?

My first reaction when I read the article about the Iron-Jawed Angels was anger on their behalf, and pride in their strength. Yet, I couldn't hide from the fact that I have never voted in any local or national elections. As I spout my indignation at women for not appreciating their freedom to vote, I recognize that I have been a party to that same mistake.

The story of these iron jawed angels has pushed me towards the first step of fulfilling my rights as a citizen - exercising my right to vote. This right and story is not meant to motivate only other women to vote, all the men and women need to recognize the challenges their predecessors faced to build a country where you have the freedom and the right to vote.

a new year...

the sound of splashing woke me up
I peeked outside and saw the kids
lounging by the pool, young and care free
their laughter and splashing, my alarm today

a honeybee flies past my nose
its bzz sound pesky to my ear
until i saw it sitting on the rose bush
the perfect start to spring and summer

my neighbors were up
i heard their puppy yelping
as i wave to them over the fence
i hear the sizzle of their grill

families and friends get together
to celebrate life and its seasons
the arrival of summer
and the departure of winter..

a new season is here again
a new year is here again
another one to enjoy and adore
full of blessings for us to explore..

Beginnings and ends..

Beginnings and Ends...

Ever wonder why it is
we always face cross-roads
over and over again
beginnings and ends criss-cross

It felt like yesterday
I started undergrad
here I am today
facing the end of grad school

My life has never been a straight path
yet many others face more tumultuous roads
yet the weight of the burden doesnt dimish
regardless of the role that I play

Daughter, friend, fiance, sister
aunt, cousin, colleague, professional
they represent facets of me
yet the facets are all truly me

I wonder if others feel the same
the end marks another beginning
the beginning marks the start of the end
the two are faithfully intertwined

The journey is always harried
in a rush forever to get to the end
yet from the beginning to the end
in the journey we learn our lessons best

I look out of my window
and expect to see my new horizons
new job, new colleagues, a new life
family, friends, and wedding preps

It's sometimes hard to see the ocean
because we focus on the pebbles
It's sometimes hard to focus on the pebbles
because the sand in our toes is a bother

I hope to see the sand, the pebbles and the ocean
the wind, the sun and the rain
while I stay within the shade of my umbrella
sipping my ice cold lemonade :D :D

Chaotic reality...

I sit with my legs crossed
imagining I am shielded by petals
huge yellow sunflower petals
and under my feet are the black centers...

I sit with my eyes closed
imaging I am in a rocking boat
a beautiful gondola in lovely Italy
with the sun shining upon my face...

I sit with clenched fists
imagining I hold a beautiful butterfly within
it's wings fluttering gently against my palms
a celebration of fragile strength...

I sit with my toes in the water
imagining I am listening to Zack Brown Band
the quintessential image of country music
relaxed music, casual folk and a lazy summer afternoon...

I sit with my feet stretched out
imagining I am at the beach
with the water lapping at my toes
a gentle breeze the only music to the chime of the waves...

I open my eyes
and wonder at the chaos I see
Closed eyes bring forth an imagination so vivid
it obliterates all the stress of a choatic reality!

By,
Angela A. Vincent
9.52pm - 2/28/10

Child Labor

In my previous post I spoke about personal tragedies and awe-inspiring courage. Is it a strange coincidence then that I should coem across two intriguing stories a few hours later.

The first one was about Sarah Kruzan, a 16 yr old, African American child in CA, USA, who was sentenced to life in prison without parole because she killed her pimp. The guy who raped and sold her to others. Fascinating and absolutely disgusting sometimes, the world we live in. I am not going to ignore the fact that there may be nuances of this case that need to be closely studied, but my understanding of the justice system is that it's always about the intention. Was it malicious, was it self-defense and so on. This case seems to have an awful lot of loopholes for it to be have been neglected as such. The 16 year old child is now a 29 year old woman who has spent 13 years of her life in prison. Do you ever stand to wonder how lucky you are to have the support of your family and friends?

The second one is about child labor - specifically the irony of children in India who labor to make balloons so that our children in USA and other 'developed' countries can enjoy them at various celebrations. This story in pictures of 6 year old children in India struggling in horrendous conditions is heart-breaking. Although I have some serious concerns about the way a Texas Middle School went about teaching their students about child labor, I cannot close my eyes to the atrocities that occur in the world. I think a simulated lesson will make everyone including you and me more aware of such cruelty. Do you ever stop to think about the child whose ahnds are rubbed raw trying to create that balloon you are holding in your hand?

my 100th post

7 weeks into my expedition in Dallas, I finally have the opportunity to sit still for a second and write a posting, and my 100th one to top it all off :). Life's been pretty fascinating since I've left Baltimore.

The week long trip to TO was a great excuse to enjoy my mom and sister pamper me, meet with friends and essentially rejuvenate for a brief bit before the long haul to Dallas. We actually drove to Dallas all the way from Baltimore in our sweet lil Kia, which looked like its belly would burst open if we took a curve too fast..lol..we drove through some beautiful scenery, stopped in Abingdon and Memphis on the way to Dallas. The second day of our trip it was raining constantly, dangerous to drive potentially, but made the scenery even more vibrant.

When we finally got to Dallas, life seemed to go from 0 - 60 mph in 3 seconds flat. Settling in, unpacking, buying new furniture, starting a new job, meeting new people, adjusting to 100+ deg F temperatures, tornado warnings, not to mention a long and fabulous visit by my family for the July 4th weekend, has left me happy, tired, exhausted, stressed and contented..all in parts, yet the sum is greater than the parts I believe.

Health care as an industry has a vibe to it, which may take you a while to understand the depth and the passion people have for it, yet once you see it or feel it, you know that the passion exists for life. My stay at Children's has barely begun, yet the complexity of strengths and weaknesses that make the hospital are unendingly fascinating to me.

Personally and professionally, my move to Dallas has been anything but slow / stagnant. I can't wait for what's in store next!

Murky skies..

I see colors
blue, gray, pink and black
mixed in with a dash of white
the colors of the murky skies..

As words threaten my life..
words spoken by others..
words I wish I had spoken..
words I fear I will speak soon...

Life's ambiguities I'm not sure I understand
Fathom, like, comprehend, approve of..
yet we are all forced to expand our horizons
into the murky skies, even as we desist..

What can I do to minimize the destruction?
If there is any to be visualized..
What can I do to visualize the damage..
if what is lost is internal and personal...

Depth of words
Depth of thoughts
Depth of emotions
I lack nothing thereof

Yet expressing the most basic words
turn the colors darker and drearier
The blacks and grays overwhelm the pink and blues
turning the murky skies into the dark night...

By,
Angela Archana Vincent

spring blossoms, road trips, grad school and so much more...

I can't believe that I'm at the end of my grad coursework, and am headed back into the typical workforce in 4 weeks flat..where did time fly by?

Third and Fourth terms went by in a jiffy and I'm looking at the last two weeks of classes already..yikes..two weeks is right!! Hmmm...wonder if I should slow down a bit and enjoy student life while it lasts :)))...

Oh well..I guess the memories of impromptu visits to a friend's at 11pm, hanging out with the girls watching a movie, or the rather long road trip with my family from Toronto to Baltimore and on to DC will form the crux of my grad school life..not bad at all.. :) .. and since I'm headed away from Baltimore and those gorgeous friends who kept me sane while I was here..a toast to them all...

Spring Blossoms..

Spring blossoms bright and cheery
I see them all around me
they whither away during my favourite season
but watching them brightens my day

Friends like that are many around me
Those who keep me company
in the dark of the night
but disappear during my cheery days...

A toast if I may...
To those who listen to me whine
To those who give me sound advice
To those who share their stories with me
To those who are good friends of mine
To those spring blossoms who are precious and few :))

By,
Angela Archana Vincent.

Turmoil

calm waters never last
ever wonder why that is?
change is like rain
predictable sometimes, rarely always so...

struggles seem endless
tears fathomless and useless
simple pleasures help us daily
to forget the turmoil and move beyond...

a new dawn seems so close
the night past barely a blur
my memory so faint, is it really so?
I doubt..I doubt..the turmoil and dawn are intertwined so...

By Angela Archana Vincent

2009..month 2, post 1

Sigh..it's 2009 already, I'm back in Baltimore and it's February 4th..yikes!! where did the time go? I still feel like I'm in Toronto waiting for the vacation to set-in :D

Oh well, it's true what they say..time flies by, when you are too busy to take note. The holiday season was chaotic, fun, stressful and relaxing in equal measure. Being back in Baltimore took a little getting used to, but home feels good! Classes and deadlines keep me on my toes, the interviews for next year's field placement keep my busy busy busy...and my family keeps me grounded in reality :)!

Life's been pretty good, for the most part. The weather in Baltimore has been quite perfect - a few cold days, mostly 'fall' weather - my favourite...The next few weeks are crucial and exciting - so a toast to warm memories and exuberant anticipation :D

Oh, and yep, I'm already planning my Spring Break...vacation, here I come!!

2008

I am back in Toronto, and it seems like I never left this place. I guess there is something to be said about home and the familiarity. I landed in Toronto with the flu, and this past week has been somewhat miserable, yet I probably couldn't have chosen a better time or place to fall sick :) Now, I'm feeling 90% better, and definitely looking forward to the rest of this year :D.

2008 has been a pretty amazing year for me, a lot of twists and turns, some highs I never thought I'd reach or aim for, and a few lows, nonetheless it's been a good year for me. This year has witnessed a lot of changes in my life and in the lives of people I know. Personally, I've made new friends, travelled to different places on my own, tried and failed at so many things, yet I've also succeeded at others, learnt a few hard lessons along the way, about myself and those around me. I finally got to see my beautiful niece and nephews in India, spent a long vacation with my grandmother without worrying about work or school, started grad school, made some lasting friendships, succeeded at cooking for more than 3 people simultaneously :).

As I look back at the past year, the most important thing seems to be my yen to look forward to the future. My experiences in 2008 have brought me to this point, where I have so much more to look forward to than I would if I just looked behind me.

Isn't it so fascinating, the way we emphasize our highs and lows based on the people we share it with? Be it our parents, sisters, brothers, cousins, family, friends, spouse/partner, or colleagues, the moments we remember, the memories we create, the emotions we feel, are all the stronger because of the people we associate with those moments, memories and emotions.

Here's to my last blog for the year, and hoping everyone has a fabulous 2009 with people you love and trust. Cheers!

Toronto...

tender flakes swirling by
melting as they touch my cheek
I feel the ice in my veins
even as I try to catch the drops on my tongue

I face the sun
with my eyes closed
and arms outstretched
yearning to reach the warmth

Snow storm all around me
Blinding white in its beauty
The sun shining bright
keeping the illusion of warmth nearby

People thunder by
snuggled warm, as they trudge to work
A snow storm is all in a day's work
for those around me today

A land of diverse natures
the first home I know
Snow storms, wind chill, bright and cold
Toronto, in all its different flavors...

By Angela Archana Vincent

midnight ramblings...

..so, I head home to Toronto shortly and I find myself back in the ol' habit of blogging about my midnight ramblings, so here is another random one...

Crossroads..

ever wonder why it is
I find myself at crossroads
over and over again
unstoppable, some force that brings me here

I believe my path has been set
I think my goals are concrete
I feel my emotions are secure
Then, I find myself at these crossroads again

The path behind me is littered with stories
both good and bad
The roads in front of me are alive with possibilities
each very different from the other

How do I chose?
Why should I chose?
Can I stand undecided at these crossroads
while others pas me by?

Unfortunately, it isn't in my nature
to let things stay undecided for long :)
I make my decisions with care and thought
but once made, I tend to see it through

Yet, the crossroads come
every other chance
it's a window of opportunity
with a view rather blurred

Big and small
these crossroads keep me going
good and bad
they make my story, I like to think, interesting...

By,
Angela Archana Vincent

holiday cheer

so it's that time of the year again..when we all scramble to buy gifts, plan our holiday travels and are generally excited for the holidays or morose about being apart from family/friends!

The attack on Mumbai left quite a few friends devastated and very upset about the lack of appropriate action by the authorities in India. Yet, as usually witnessed following such terrible attacks, everyone seems to be moving on with their lives. The disparity of sentiments and actions always astound me about the capacity of the human mind to bear witness to tragedy yet balance it with light-heartedness.

On Friday, Hopkins had candle light vigils for the victims of the attacks. Yet, except for a select few, most everyone seems to be unaffected by the terror across the ocean. The rest of the world is scampering to buy christmas gifts, plan their travel and enjoy the next few weeks of fun, food and family.

I sound like a Hallmark card, don't I? To be honest, I love this time of the year..I get to relax, decorate the house for Christmas and generally eat lotsa good food. I never realized how much I love it, until I thought about going home this year. Two weeks and I'm counting down..I get to go home to my parents, my friends, sis nd jiju, Christmas gifts, decorations and lotsa food :D..

I wonder if I'll miss being at my place and doing things with new friends...yet the idea of staying at home with my family and friends has me so excited! I can't wait to land at Pearson, run out into the arrival area, meet my family and then..my most awaited dream..a Tim Hortons iced cap..hehehhehehe..my sister has promised to have one ready for me as soon as I land in TO...yey!!! (my mom has also warned me to dress very warm since its apparently been snowing constantly in TO and its freezing out there...yey!!!!!!)

my personality...

...according to the personal DNA..

mood mimic..

have you ever notice how the weather seems to mimic your mood..I know, I know, a true metereologist will tell me, I'm being silly, weather does not mimic people's moods, it follows certain wind patterns, blabbedy blabbedy blah...

Yet, I love and despise the idea that I have a mood mimic. For example, I am in a really c****y mood today and my mood mimic seems just as dismal :D...that simple thought of a mood mimic helps restore my spirits somehow..lol...

Oh well, am off to cheer myself up a lil bit with some desi goodies I made yesterday..enjoy the weather ya all!!

terrified innocence...

..my latest ramblings in the midst of an unwittingly entertaining financial accounting class, late Monday afternoon :)

Terrified innocence...

Terror on their faces
they huddle under the tarp
holding hands they tremble
children with tears in their eyes

Shrieks heard all around
as each one grows louder
they cringe and huddle closer
seeming to shrink as one

A river of blood
drenches the street under their feet
Their tears seem insurmountable...
All they want is the comfort of home.

A simple day
enjoyable in its simplicity
turned monstrous in a second
their innocence lost and peace shattered.

Running feet are all they see,
people screaming obscenities as they pass by
They retreat into themselves
muting the terror and the noise.

Mute eyes, clenched fists,
tears pour down their innocent faces
as they stare at the ignonimity
of being a child mute with terror.

A brief whimper
from the younger of the two...
quickly hushed by the older,
fear of recognition alive anew...

They hope it wasn't heard
by the brutes outside...
The wall their only friend
in a world suddenly gone awry.

Footsteps come thundering by...
and stops an inch from them...motionless they freeze
someone peeps under the tarp
and they scream in mutuality

Is it a friend?
Is it their family?
Is it a foe?
Do they live to know?

Innocence lost, terror their acquaintance
Does it matter if they live
When live in fear they always will...
Not for us to judge, the value of their life.

Children, our hope for tomorrow
Our innocence and our inspirations
their glow of immeasurable brightness
snatched away from us in a moment of terror...

By Angela Archana Vincent - 5.20pm Monday October 20th, 2008.

whether the weather will change....

yep, today's very mundane topic is whether the weather will change (pun intended)..and I mean, specifically in Baltimore. I've been talking to my family in P'burgh and Toronto, and the temp there is mid 40 and 50 F. In Baltimore, we are still experiencing late 70s to mid 80 F...booohooohooo :( I want colder climes. It's the end of October, and I demand the need to use my thick fall jacket, not a sweatshirt..uuuggghhh!!

The saddest part...not a single soul recognizes my wish in Baltimore..lol :D...all my friends are ecstatic at the mild temperatures. Oh well, poor souls, I guess they will never understand the pleasures of bundling up in your winter jacket and trundling to work in a feet or two of snow..AAAAhhhhhhh...I miss Toronto and our beautiful weather... hehehehe...

ooooh and yes, my Tim Hortons Iced Frapps..totally miss that too!! I have a standing order with my closest friend and my sister to get me to a Timmy's as soon as I land in Toronto..the dreams keep me going forth :D

other words...

Back to my boring life. Baltimore and Hopkins have truly allowed me to explore my individual choices. I've attended classes, policy discussions by congressmen and delegates, debates about malaria vaccine vs. control, desi get togethers and so much more. I've made so many friends, and become so close to a few people in such a short time. It's absolutely amazing! It's still a learning curve with regard to my own idiosyncrasies and what I feel I need to improve. Yet, I find not knwoing everything is a boon in itself. Oh well! As usual, I'll end my ramblings with these few words...

Wondering...

Lost in the garden,
he walks alone
looking at the flowers
he wonders what they are

he doesn't recognize beauty
he doesn't recognize colors
he doesn't recognize their fragrance
and yet he wonders what they are

he reaches a brook
gurgling waters tumble past
he walks alone
wondering what it is

he doesn's recognize sound
he doesn't recognize serenity
he doesn't recognize it's strength
and yet he wonders what it is

he suddenly pauses
his hand about to pluck a flower
his feet about to dip into the brook
he hears something that makes him pause

a sound he never heard before
music that makes him pause
freeze as if someone said "statue"
he awaits to hear it again

every note touches him
opens the world to him
in all its beautiful splendour
he suddenly doesn't wonder any more

his hand soothes the flower
instead of plucking it
his feet play in the brook
in knowledge rather than curiosity

the music he heard
is his ignorance being stripped away
self knowledge or taught otherwise
felt internally or realized externally

he no longer wonders
abt what it is
rather he knows himself
and hence the world around him

by Angela Archana Vincent at 11pm October 10th, 2008