stars on canvas

Stars on Canvas

tiny flecks of light

shining far above

a temptresses beckoning

her true love

i reach my hands out

when i see them dropping

becoming bright stars

falling from the night sky

their light white and warm

tempting me with their heat

so close yet so far

forever just beyond my grasp

they fall like droplets

onto my canvas

brilliant colors shining true

clear against the pitch black

i felt their warmth

the hope of catching it alive

yet seeing the beauty on my canvas

leaves a hole in my heart

i wonder why it hurts to think

about what did not happen

when the dream of the next star shower

opens up unending possibilities...

By

Angela A. Vincent

5/26/11 5.50pm

Memories..

Memories are funny
sometimes they are beautiful
like pearls on a delicate string
sometimes they are transient
like the ripple in a pond

memories are interesting
sometimes they make us reflect on past actions
like light on the polished edge of a pebble
sometimes they make us wonder
like a child seeing their first firefly

memories are fascinating
sometimes they are wonderful
like the night sky lit with moonbeams
sometimes they make us cry
like our world is falling apart

memories are fulfilling
sometimes they lead to silent tears
like raindrops on a cloudless night
sometimes they help us relive our favorite moments
like the time spent plaiting my grandmother's hair :)

regardless of how we get there
or where they take us
our memories define our actions
they tell us who we were, who we are
and even where we may be headed next...

By,
Angela Archana Vincent

a new year...

the sound of splashing woke me up
I peeked outside and saw the kids
lounging by the pool, young and care free
their laughter and splashing, my alarm today

a honeybee flies past my nose
its bzz sound pesky to my ear
until i saw it sitting on the rose bush
the perfect start to spring and summer

my neighbors were up
i heard their puppy yelping
as i wave to them over the fence
i hear the sizzle of their grill

families and friends get together
to celebrate life and its seasons
the arrival of summer
and the departure of winter..

a new season is here again
a new year is here again
another one to enjoy and adore
full of blessings for us to explore..

Beginnings and ends..

Beginnings and Ends...

Ever wonder why it is
we always face cross-roads
over and over again
beginnings and ends criss-cross

It felt like yesterday
I started undergrad
here I am today
facing the end of grad school

My life has never been a straight path
yet many others face more tumultuous roads
yet the weight of the burden doesnt dimish
regardless of the role that I play

Daughter, friend, fiance, sister
aunt, cousin, colleague, professional
they represent facets of me
yet the facets are all truly me

I wonder if others feel the same
the end marks another beginning
the beginning marks the start of the end
the two are faithfully intertwined

The journey is always harried
in a rush forever to get to the end
yet from the beginning to the end
in the journey we learn our lessons best

I look out of my window
and expect to see my new horizons
new job, new colleagues, a new life
family, friends, and wedding preps

It's sometimes hard to see the ocean
because we focus on the pebbles
It's sometimes hard to focus on the pebbles
because the sand in our toes is a bother

I hope to see the sand, the pebbles and the ocean
the wind, the sun and the rain
while I stay within the shade of my umbrella
sipping my ice cold lemonade :D :D

Chaotic reality...

I sit with my legs crossed
imagining I am shielded by petals
huge yellow sunflower petals
and under my feet are the black centers...

I sit with my eyes closed
imaging I am in a rocking boat
a beautiful gondola in lovely Italy
with the sun shining upon my face...

I sit with clenched fists
imagining I hold a beautiful butterfly within
it's wings fluttering gently against my palms
a celebration of fragile strength...

I sit with my toes in the water
imagining I am listening to Zack Brown Band
the quintessential image of country music
relaxed music, casual folk and a lazy summer afternoon...

I sit with my feet stretched out
imagining I am at the beach
with the water lapping at my toes
a gentle breeze the only music to the chime of the waves...

I open my eyes
and wonder at the chaos I see
Closed eyes bring forth an imagination so vivid
it obliterates all the stress of a choatic reality!

By,
Angela A. Vincent
9.52pm - 2/28/10

Murky skies..

I see colors
blue, gray, pink and black
mixed in with a dash of white
the colors of the murky skies..

As words threaten my life..
words spoken by others..
words I wish I had spoken..
words I fear I will speak soon...

Life's ambiguities I'm not sure I understand
Fathom, like, comprehend, approve of..
yet we are all forced to expand our horizons
into the murky skies, even as we desist..

What can I do to minimize the destruction?
If there is any to be visualized..
What can I do to visualize the damage..
if what is lost is internal and personal...

Depth of words
Depth of thoughts
Depth of emotions
I lack nothing thereof

Yet expressing the most basic words
turn the colors darker and drearier
The blacks and grays overwhelm the pink and blues
turning the murky skies into the dark night...

By,
Angela Archana Vincent

ravaged...

Ravaged by the world
I hide in the shadows
a mere whisper
in a world of similar souls...

It is so easy to stand by
and let anger consume you
Yet so difficult to articulate
the emotion into concise words...

The world in its entirety
shrinks until it exists in finite space
an air bubble perfectly proportioned
encapsulating that one conversation...

Memory so faint
I barely know what I say
Anger makes me whisper incoherently
and the ravaged becomes the ravager...

Best,
Angela Archana Vincent

spring blossoms, road trips, grad school and so much more...

I can't believe that I'm at the end of my grad coursework, and am headed back into the typical workforce in 4 weeks flat..where did time fly by?

Third and Fourth terms went by in a jiffy and I'm looking at the last two weeks of classes already..yikes..two weeks is right!! Hmmm...wonder if I should slow down a bit and enjoy student life while it lasts :)))...

Oh well..I guess the memories of impromptu visits to a friend's at 11pm, hanging out with the girls watching a movie, or the rather long road trip with my family from Toronto to Baltimore and on to DC will form the crux of my grad school life..not bad at all.. :) .. and since I'm headed away from Baltimore and those gorgeous friends who kept me sane while I was here..a toast to them all...

Spring Blossoms..

Spring blossoms bright and cheery
I see them all around me
they whither away during my favourite season
but watching them brightens my day

Friends like that are many around me
Those who keep me company
in the dark of the night
but disappear during my cheery days...

A toast if I may...
To those who listen to me whine
To those who give me sound advice
To those who share their stories with me
To those who are good friends of mine
To those spring blossoms who are precious and few :))

By,
Angela Archana Vincent.

Turmoil

calm waters never last
ever wonder why that is?
change is like rain
predictable sometimes, rarely always so...

struggles seem endless
tears fathomless and useless
simple pleasures help us daily
to forget the turmoil and move beyond...

a new dawn seems so close
the night past barely a blur
my memory so faint, is it really so?
I doubt..I doubt..the turmoil and dawn are intertwined so...

By Angela Archana Vincent

2008

I am back in Toronto, and it seems like I never left this place. I guess there is something to be said about home and the familiarity. I landed in Toronto with the flu, and this past week has been somewhat miserable, yet I probably couldn't have chosen a better time or place to fall sick :) Now, I'm feeling 90% better, and definitely looking forward to the rest of this year :D.

2008 has been a pretty amazing year for me, a lot of twists and turns, some highs I never thought I'd reach or aim for, and a few lows, nonetheless it's been a good year for me. This year has witnessed a lot of changes in my life and in the lives of people I know. Personally, I've made new friends, travelled to different places on my own, tried and failed at so many things, yet I've also succeeded at others, learnt a few hard lessons along the way, about myself and those around me. I finally got to see my beautiful niece and nephews in India, spent a long vacation with my grandmother without worrying about work or school, started grad school, made some lasting friendships, succeeded at cooking for more than 3 people simultaneously :).

As I look back at the past year, the most important thing seems to be my yen to look forward to the future. My experiences in 2008 have brought me to this point, where I have so much more to look forward to than I would if I just looked behind me.

Isn't it so fascinating, the way we emphasize our highs and lows based on the people we share it with? Be it our parents, sisters, brothers, cousins, family, friends, spouse/partner, or colleagues, the moments we remember, the memories we create, the emotions we feel, are all the stronger because of the people we associate with those moments, memories and emotions.

Here's to my last blog for the year, and hoping everyone has a fabulous 2009 with people you love and trust. Cheers!

Toronto...

tender flakes swirling by
melting as they touch my cheek
I feel the ice in my veins
even as I try to catch the drops on my tongue

I face the sun
with my eyes closed
and arms outstretched
yearning to reach the warmth

Snow storm all around me
Blinding white in its beauty
The sun shining bright
keeping the illusion of warmth nearby

People thunder by
snuggled warm, as they trudge to work
A snow storm is all in a day's work
for those around me today

A land of diverse natures
the first home I know
Snow storms, wind chill, bright and cold
Toronto, in all its different flavors...

By Angela Archana Vincent

midnight ramblings...

..so, I head home to Toronto shortly and I find myself back in the ol' habit of blogging about my midnight ramblings, so here is another random one...

Crossroads..

ever wonder why it is
I find myself at crossroads
over and over again
unstoppable, some force that brings me here

I believe my path has been set
I think my goals are concrete
I feel my emotions are secure
Then, I find myself at these crossroads again

The path behind me is littered with stories
both good and bad
The roads in front of me are alive with possibilities
each very different from the other

How do I chose?
Why should I chose?
Can I stand undecided at these crossroads
while others pas me by?

Unfortunately, it isn't in my nature
to let things stay undecided for long :)
I make my decisions with care and thought
but once made, I tend to see it through

Yet, the crossroads come
every other chance
it's a window of opportunity
with a view rather blurred

Big and small
these crossroads keep me going
good and bad
they make my story, I like to think, interesting...

By,
Angela Archana Vincent

Loved one...

Bitter winds howl in my ear
as I huddle under the tarp
Paper against the cold floor
my only comfort against the wind

I left home when I was 16
angry at my parents
I thought they did not love me
so I would make it on my own

I wonder if they think of me
as they plan another holiday
with the entire family present
except for me...

I wonder if they are warm and cozy...
if my sister still snuggles next to my mom
as they watch my dad decorate the tree
I wonder if they miss me at all...

I hear strangers call me names
homeless, stranger, hobo...
the taunts are limitless...
yet they barely hurt anymore...

I once had a home
I once had a family
I too was once loved
I left it all for no one and unknown...

Christmas is a holiday for wishes
I hear children wishing for gifts
I wish I may, I wish I might
Make a wish to go home tonight

To be with my family
To hold them close
To let them tell me
I am their loved one...

By,
Angela Archana Vincent - 9.32pm December 8, 2008

terrified innocence...

..my latest ramblings in the midst of an unwittingly entertaining financial accounting class, late Monday afternoon :)

Terrified innocence...

Terror on their faces
they huddle under the tarp
holding hands they tremble
children with tears in their eyes

Shrieks heard all around
as each one grows louder
they cringe and huddle closer
seeming to shrink as one

A river of blood
drenches the street under their feet
Their tears seem insurmountable...
All they want is the comfort of home.

A simple day
enjoyable in its simplicity
turned monstrous in a second
their innocence lost and peace shattered.

Running feet are all they see,
people screaming obscenities as they pass by
They retreat into themselves
muting the terror and the noise.

Mute eyes, clenched fists,
tears pour down their innocent faces
as they stare at the ignonimity
of being a child mute with terror.

A brief whimper
from the younger of the two...
quickly hushed by the older,
fear of recognition alive anew...

They hope it wasn't heard
by the brutes outside...
The wall their only friend
in a world suddenly gone awry.

Footsteps come thundering by...
and stops an inch from them...motionless they freeze
someone peeps under the tarp
and they scream in mutuality

Is it a friend?
Is it their family?
Is it a foe?
Do they live to know?

Innocence lost, terror their acquaintance
Does it matter if they live
When live in fear they always will...
Not for us to judge, the value of their life.

Children, our hope for tomorrow
Our innocence and our inspirations
their glow of immeasurable brightness
snatched away from us in a moment of terror...

By Angela Archana Vincent - 5.20pm Monday October 20th, 2008.

other words...

Back to my boring life. Baltimore and Hopkins have truly allowed me to explore my individual choices. I've attended classes, policy discussions by congressmen and delegates, debates about malaria vaccine vs. control, desi get togethers and so much more. I've made so many friends, and become so close to a few people in such a short time. It's absolutely amazing! It's still a learning curve with regard to my own idiosyncrasies and what I feel I need to improve. Yet, I find not knwoing everything is a boon in itself. Oh well! As usual, I'll end my ramblings with these few words...

Wondering...

Lost in the garden,
he walks alone
looking at the flowers
he wonders what they are

he doesn't recognize beauty
he doesn't recognize colors
he doesn't recognize their fragrance
and yet he wonders what they are

he reaches a brook
gurgling waters tumble past
he walks alone
wondering what it is

he doesn's recognize sound
he doesn't recognize serenity
he doesn't recognize it's strength
and yet he wonders what it is

he suddenly pauses
his hand about to pluck a flower
his feet about to dip into the brook
he hears something that makes him pause

a sound he never heard before
music that makes him pause
freeze as if someone said "statue"
he awaits to hear it again

every note touches him
opens the world to him
in all its beautiful splendour
he suddenly doesn't wonder any more

his hand soothes the flower
instead of plucking it
his feet play in the brook
in knowledge rather than curiosity

the music he heard
is his ignorance being stripped away
self knowledge or taught otherwise
felt internally or realized externally

he no longer wonders
abt what it is
rather he knows himself
and hence the world around him

by Angela Archana Vincent at 11pm October 10th, 2008

traditions...

What is it about being sick that reminds us about home and all the little idiosyncrasies...those little traditions which we have to make us feel cozy and safe.

I believe there is nothing quite like a bad cold to tease those memories of home - mama at hand with all my meds and food, my dad to whine about my day and my sister to keep me slightly sane :). Here in Baltimore, I don't even have the time to whine about my cold, although I must say my friends out here have been so solicitous of me these past few days, I treasure every single one of them.

Today marks the end of my fourth week at Baltimore, and it's been a good experience. I've learnt things about myself that I wouldn't discuss on this blog :), and I've made friends - friends with varied experiences, with different views and with very diverse cultural outlooks, so it's been a very 'enriching experience'.

Now, I have got to admit, I sound so unlike myself on this blog today, but I put that down to my being sick **whining about my cough and cold..here I go again..lol** and the fact that I completed my first mid-term at Hopkins today, and it did not feel like a total disaster..woohoo! Yes, I did celebrate my big midterm with chocolate chip cookies (yey!!).

I will end my blog with another rambling for those poetry geeks out there...

sightless world

the wind whispers in her ear
the sound of chimes far awar
She wonders if she will ever see
the light from that distant land

She feels her hand along the window sill
tracing its hard edges
searching for the knob
to close the window shut

The wind against her ear
is almost too much to bear
How can she withstand the thought
of always listening, but never seeing

Sight is lost but to a few
yet, it's value is known only to those few
The rest are blind to the value there is
content to meander sightless in their world

A strand of her hair
falls against her cheek
she brushes it away abruptly
unwilling to feel it touch her tears

Tears trickling slowly
as she gazes over the plains
the wind whispering in her ear
the promises of the world she will never see...

by Angela Archana Vincent @ 9.45pm Sept 26, 2008

flickering patterns

here is another set of my ramblings from early September...

flickering patterns

bright light flickering
outside my window
dust flecks scattering the light
in mysterious patterns all around

heated discussions gathering storm
in the quiet shade within a room
laughter to frustration to anger to fury
the changes within a mere second

I wonder how we adapt
to all those musical notes
Music in its various forms
from soothing to jazz to rock to metal

a new city, a new vibe
different me, i may have thought
yet here I am, with the same discussions
over-wrought, over and out...

by Angela Archana Vincent - Sep 7, 2008

home...

home...
where does that exist
i've heard it said
that it's where the heart is
yet many more weep
at the mere thought
of leaving behind bricks and mortar
the essence of home to them..

To me, it's a place with your family
yet, I feel at home when I'm alone
is that right
or is that strange..
I believe it need not be either...

I love both options..
sitting in my room in Toronto
with my cup of tea
my mom cooking in the kitchen
my dad watching TV
my sister browsing the net
or here in Baltimore
where I sit alone
on my bed
wondering whether I should cook dinner
or eat raisin bran :)

Home is where you feel secure
safe within the confines of your personal space
certain that if something comes your way
you can deal with it.
I am at home in Toronto
and in Baltimore
with my family around
or all by myself...

by
Angela Archana Vincent

a new start...

Ever wonder how time flies by? I usually don't, either I'm too busy to notice the time or I'm so relaxed, I enjoy the spare time..lol..yep extremes exist, even in my mundane life. I remember talking about grad school in August last year, and it seemed so far away. Now it's here already. Tomorrow, I fly out to Baltimore to start grad school at Johns Hopkins - this experience is a first for me in a multitude of ways - my first graduate program, my first time without my family or close friends, my first time in Baltimore..I could go on and on. It's scary, thought provoking, exhausting (never knew planning a move was such a massive task!) and downright exciting. I was talking to a very good friend a few minutes ago, who was preparing to defend her Master's thesis tomorrow (besta luck you-know-who-you-are), and she described our emotions perfectly. I quote "It's scary, exciting and extremely scary!"..lol..couldn't word it better!

I'm actually amazed at the student community at JHU. Even before I land in Baltimore, I've made friends - other incoming and continuing students. Helpful and friendly. Let's hope the next year is as calming, exciting and educating, although I wouldn't mind if it's a little less scary.. :)

Well, for the next few days, I'm going to be busy shopping, cleaning, settling in and typically driving everyone around me nuts! To that end, Baltimore here I come.....

Oh, and before I end today's ravings...I was feeling a little lost the other day because I felt like I couldn't write 'poetry' lately..kinda like a writer's block. I just realized that this year alone I've written 3 poems so far..woohoo..the feeling cannot be decribed or understood unless you've experienced it yourself.. :) :) :)

un-named words...

dark thoughts swirl around
taking shape in the shadows of my mind
obscure and faint
yet with the definition and clarity of an architect's blueprint

emotions so difficult to describe
trickling like raindrops on my windowsill
echoing in the emptiness of the room
while my mind scrambles for rest...

a thousand words yearn to spill forth
spewing meaning, anger, contentment or peace
i look at the nonstop swirling motion
mute, in the face of such confusion

words must be set free
when the mind is calm
fickle words start torrents
they do not soothe troubled waters

calmness is hard to strive for
when the mind yearns otherwise
anger and confusion are sisters
bound tight like conjoined twins at birth..

be rational, i must
awhile it may take
lessons learn, i must
the hard way always...

by Angela Archana Vincent @ 6.35pm August 9, 2008

ramblings...

another 15 minutes where words spilled out..here are my ramblings...

Night Light

chaos prevails around you
dark lights filter through the night
as we walk hidden in the bushes
you quiet me with a signal

i hear nothing
i see nothing
not even the dark lights i saw earlier
yet you sense the danger near

what is it that you can see...
what is it that you hear?
I'm blind and deaf to the passing moments
everything around me but your hand in mine

Suddenly I hear steps in the distance
the sway of leaves as someone walks past
my heart suddenly strums in fear
palms sweaty, i await the danger

suddenly so close, i can smell them
their heavy treads and foul breath
as they mutter about us
'where did they go?'

i try to stay absolutely still
the wind whispers and moves my clothes
you are motionless
beautiful like the stones around us

they wait a moment
they are right next to us
it seems a lifetime passed
before i hear their receding tread

i am about to heave a sigh of relief
when you caution me again
the danger is never past
winds carry the slightest noise

we stay that way
motionless and stonefaced
until our legs quiver and my arms shiver
and the morning light shines around us..

slowly we make our way
through the cavernous forest floor
each step cautious and slow
a journey i never dreamt about

life's paths are never meant to be easy
except in our childish dreams
yet i never foresaw a path quite like this
fraught with nightmares, and my best dream yet...

in the dangers and quivering aches
lies a future built strong
they are wise who once said...
hurdles faced together are the best foundation for a life together...

By,
Angela Archana Vincent.