traditions...

What is it about being sick that reminds us about home and all the little idiosyncrasies...those little traditions which we have to make us feel cozy and safe.

I believe there is nothing quite like a bad cold to tease those memories of home - mama at hand with all my meds and food, my dad to whine about my day and my sister to keep me slightly sane :). Here in Baltimore, I don't even have the time to whine about my cold, although I must say my friends out here have been so solicitous of me these past few days, I treasure every single one of them.

Today marks the end of my fourth week at Baltimore, and it's been a good experience. I've learnt things about myself that I wouldn't discuss on this blog :), and I've made friends - friends with varied experiences, with different views and with very diverse cultural outlooks, so it's been a very 'enriching experience'.

Now, I have got to admit, I sound so unlike myself on this blog today, but I put that down to my being sick **whining about my cough and cold..here I go again..lol** and the fact that I completed my first mid-term at Hopkins today, and it did not feel like a total disaster..woohoo! Yes, I did celebrate my big midterm with chocolate chip cookies (yey!!).

I will end my blog with another rambling for those poetry geeks out there...

sightless world

the wind whispers in her ear
the sound of chimes far awar
She wonders if she will ever see
the light from that distant land

She feels her hand along the window sill
tracing its hard edges
searching for the knob
to close the window shut

The wind against her ear
is almost too much to bear
How can she withstand the thought
of always listening, but never seeing

Sight is lost but to a few
yet, it's value is known only to those few
The rest are blind to the value there is
content to meander sightless in their world

A strand of her hair
falls against her cheek
she brushes it away abruptly
unwilling to feel it touch her tears

Tears trickling slowly
as she gazes over the plains
the wind whispering in her ear
the promises of the world she will never see...

by Angela Archana Vincent @ 9.45pm Sept 26, 2008

flickering patterns

here is another set of my ramblings from early September...

flickering patterns

bright light flickering
outside my window
dust flecks scattering the light
in mysterious patterns all around

heated discussions gathering storm
in the quiet shade within a room
laughter to frustration to anger to fury
the changes within a mere second

I wonder how we adapt
to all those musical notes
Music in its various forms
from soothing to jazz to rock to metal

a new city, a new vibe
different me, i may have thought
yet here I am, with the same discussions
over-wrought, over and out...

by Angela Archana Vincent - Sep 7, 2008

new life...

So, I've finally settled into my sweet lil apartment in Baltimore, successfully attended the first few days of classes, made some very good friends, garnered enough reading to last me a lifetime (ah, the eternal pleasures of being a graduate student!).

Baltimore as a city seems to have a rather jaded voice. You hear about the sketchy neighbourhoods, the pollution scares, dark alleys, muggings and so on. Yet after coming to this city, I've also noticed how friendly people are, how beautiful the water looks through the big bay window at the Aquarium, the relatively clean and safe streets in Charles Village. I am not blind though. I do see the boards nailed shut in certain areas, the fact that people tend to travel in groups, and stay home after 7pm (unless you drive, and are with a group of 3 or more..lol).

Yet the city seems rather alive. My perception might be biased because of the people I interact with, whether it's at my apartment, the local student community in my area or the larger student community at grad school. Everyone seems friendly, welcoming and always willing to offer information. The key is to ask :) . In that regard, I guess it could be said that it's the same elsewhere. However, I like this city. I love Toronto (I know I'm biased, it's been home for a long time now!), yet this city will always mean something unique to me.

home...

home...
where does that exist
i've heard it said
that it's where the heart is
yet many more weep
at the mere thought
of leaving behind bricks and mortar
the essence of home to them..

To me, it's a place with your family
yet, I feel at home when I'm alone
is that right
or is that strange..
I believe it need not be either...

I love both options..
sitting in my room in Toronto
with my cup of tea
my mom cooking in the kitchen
my dad watching TV
my sister browsing the net
or here in Baltimore
where I sit alone
on my bed
wondering whether I should cook dinner
or eat raisin bran :)

Home is where you feel secure
safe within the confines of your personal space
certain that if something comes your way
you can deal with it.
I am at home in Toronto
and in Baltimore
with my family around
or all by myself...

by
Angela Archana Vincent

a new start...

Ever wonder how time flies by? I usually don't, either I'm too busy to notice the time or I'm so relaxed, I enjoy the spare time..lol..yep extremes exist, even in my mundane life. I remember talking about grad school in August last year, and it seemed so far away. Now it's here already. Tomorrow, I fly out to Baltimore to start grad school at Johns Hopkins - this experience is a first for me in a multitude of ways - my first graduate program, my first time without my family or close friends, my first time in Baltimore..I could go on and on. It's scary, thought provoking, exhausting (never knew planning a move was such a massive task!) and downright exciting. I was talking to a very good friend a few minutes ago, who was preparing to defend her Master's thesis tomorrow (besta luck you-know-who-you-are), and she described our emotions perfectly. I quote "It's scary, exciting and extremely scary!"..lol..couldn't word it better!

I'm actually amazed at the student community at JHU. Even before I land in Baltimore, I've made friends - other incoming and continuing students. Helpful and friendly. Let's hope the next year is as calming, exciting and educating, although I wouldn't mind if it's a little less scary.. :)

Well, for the next few days, I'm going to be busy shopping, cleaning, settling in and typically driving everyone around me nuts! To that end, Baltimore here I come.....

Oh, and before I end today's ravings...I was feeling a little lost the other day because I felt like I couldn't write 'poetry' lately..kinda like a writer's block. I just realized that this year alone I've written 3 poems so far..woohoo..the feeling cannot be decribed or understood unless you've experienced it yourself.. :) :) :)

un-named words...

dark thoughts swirl around
taking shape in the shadows of my mind
obscure and faint
yet with the definition and clarity of an architect's blueprint

emotions so difficult to describe
trickling like raindrops on my windowsill
echoing in the emptiness of the room
while my mind scrambles for rest...

a thousand words yearn to spill forth
spewing meaning, anger, contentment or peace
i look at the nonstop swirling motion
mute, in the face of such confusion

words must be set free
when the mind is calm
fickle words start torrents
they do not soothe troubled waters

calmness is hard to strive for
when the mind yearns otherwise
anger and confusion are sisters
bound tight like conjoined twins at birth..

be rational, i must
awhile it may take
lessons learn, i must
the hard way always...

by Angela Archana Vincent @ 6.35pm August 9, 2008

nature's rang :)

Rang means color in hindi, and yesterday when my mom and I went on our usual evening walk, we saw the most gorgeous display of colors in the evening sky. Here are a few images from my erstwhile companion..ta-da..the cellphone..lol..

introspective or opinionated or narcissistic?

I just realized that this blog marks my 3/4 century point in my blogging past...people speak, this is my 76th blog. Now I wonder, does this mean that I am turning introspective or opinionated or that I have become horribly narcissistic.

Whatever the reason, it's rather exciting to keep my blog updated. Talking about exciting things, life seems to be at a standstill lately, yet I've never felt life / time flow by so fast. It's already the end of June. For the longest time, I kept saying to my self, school starts in August, and that's a long while away so I have time to do etc-etc-etc. Now, I suddenly find myself with a week to go before my month long vacation in India and a mere 8-9 weeks away from my scheduled move to Baltimore.

I find myself at cross-roads before I feel prepared to face such decisions, yet isn't that what life is about, making choices and facing the consequences whether you are ready or not? Guess so, and I'm going to quit being so philanthropic in a bit :) Life's too short to be introspective all the time, eh? Returning to my once-in-a-blue-moon philanthropy, I'm walking away from the only career path I've known for the last 3 years to explore a passion in a totally different field, hoping that my passion is realized in a career which matches my skills, let's wait and see. Someone wise should say some deep meaningful 'stuff' for folk to refer to in such situations. All I can think about is, I'm ending one path, and I'm looking forward to another. Change is daunting yet exciting. The mere idea of a vacation refreshing. The financial challenges are thought provoking, whereas the academic innovations are making me rethink my mental limitations. Hopefully at the end of the day, I'll find what I want and figure out another new path :) :)

Yey, I'm going on vacation next Monday, so maybe someone will miss me and my beautiful words (***tsk tsk tsk, pretend you care you ignorant folk!!lol***) :) :)

I want an elephant..:)

Everytime I see a cute animal, I turn to my family and saw 'I want **enter cute animal**', and they will humor me by replying 'yes, you can get one when you have kids'..lol..this is my little play-along scenarios, where I know I am never going to get the cute pig or donkey or tiger, rather a situation where I can voice my reactions..childish, maybe..but nonetheless entertaining.

Today, I decided to invite you into my world..

I saw this cute post about elephants by Jai Arjun Singh.

He talks about everything from elephant dung notepaper and elephant skeletons to the battle of the sexes in elephants..lol..let me explain the last bit with this quote form Jai's blog..

"Lady elephants are better at public displays of affection, much the same way it is with humans. This one kept nuzzling her husband's belly with her trunk. He seemed to enjoy it but he didn't reciprocate - looked straight ahead."

And then he commits the horror of mentioning on his BLOG that his mom said his wife looked like the elephant (ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh noooooooooo)...here's his quote and the picture he refers to....

"Abhilasha feeds a baby elephant. After seeing the photo my mother, in the tradition of all good mothers-in-law, remarked that they have exactly the same smile on their faces, though Abhi is definitely missing a trunk."

Now, I find this picture very cute, and I like to think that the chubby lil baby elephant is smiling because he is getting fed, but honestly you do not ever wish to be compared to a baby elephant...tut tut tut..lol...I just hope 'Abhi' enjoys Jai's sense of humor...

Before, I end tonight's mutual reaction session, let me post a few more cutesy elephant pictures...

I love this picture..look at that water spray..darn it, I almost wish I was the one taking the picture (and yelling at the elephant because he sprayed water on my camera lens..teeheehee)

Look mama, baby elephant, he is so cute, I want an elephant...(mama responds, yes yes you can get one for your kids..waaaay into the future...lol)

and the cutest one of them all, the mahout catches a quick wink as the elephant cavort in the water (love my words..cavort? and elephants? oh well..but this one looks like he is waiting for the mahout to hit the peak of his nap before spraying him with water...watchout mahout!!!...lol)

and goodnight my lovely audience, im going to go and dream about my little animal farm now..lol..

ramblings...

another 15 minutes where words spilled out..here are my ramblings...

Night Light

chaos prevails around you
dark lights filter through the night
as we walk hidden in the bushes
you quiet me with a signal

i hear nothing
i see nothing
not even the dark lights i saw earlier
yet you sense the danger near

what is it that you can see...
what is it that you hear?
I'm blind and deaf to the passing moments
everything around me but your hand in mine

Suddenly I hear steps in the distance
the sway of leaves as someone walks past
my heart suddenly strums in fear
palms sweaty, i await the danger

suddenly so close, i can smell them
their heavy treads and foul breath
as they mutter about us
'where did they go?'

i try to stay absolutely still
the wind whispers and moves my clothes
you are motionless
beautiful like the stones around us

they wait a moment
they are right next to us
it seems a lifetime passed
before i hear their receding tread

i am about to heave a sigh of relief
when you caution me again
the danger is never past
winds carry the slightest noise

we stay that way
motionless and stonefaced
until our legs quiver and my arms shiver
and the morning light shines around us..

slowly we make our way
through the cavernous forest floor
each step cautious and slow
a journey i never dreamt about

life's paths are never meant to be easy
except in our childish dreams
yet i never foresaw a path quite like this
fraught with nightmares, and my best dream yet...

in the dangers and quivering aches
lies a future built strong
they are wise who once said...
hurdles faced together are the best foundation for a life together...

By,
Angela Archana Vincent.